||[Sep. 1st, 2011|01:29 am]
|||||Les Savy Fav||]|
"They make a good couple" I thought, when I looked at the pictures of them at the shrine. Her deep red kimono was elegant, she looked older with it on, miles from the crazy rebel teacher I knew. He wore a polished dark suit, but his inexperiance in wearing it was telling; the bottom of the two buttons was buttoned. Her family flanked her in the picture, and their young son between them, a fantastic, cute family. They really did look good together.
It's an odd thing, dredging up old thoughts of people. I don't know why, but I felt like it tonight, to do that facebook journey you shouldn't. Maybe I couldn't get to bed, maybe I was bored, but I did it, and thought about people who I am now sort of this "past" to. I'm that guy they knew maybe dated for a while, while I was there, at that time, in that place, whyever.
I'm sitting in this brick laid apartment, oxford shirt, blazer and ascot ready for my science-fair style meeting tomorrow. We do them once a month. I'm a project manager at a software company now. I make charts, hold meetings... It's well... it's me as an adult in a way. Which I suppose I am sort of mid-acceptance/half denial over. This November I cross over into my 30's, and I've sort of given up and started saying I'm 30 now, just to get used to it. "What's the number one way to clean up a gangster's act? His 30th Birthday." I read that somewhere, as if the party stops when that happens. Which is interesting. I mean, this is when we start kind of making money, right? When we have the ability and freedom to do stuff, but this is when the fun ends? I suppose I am confused. About a lot of things.
Also interesting was looking back at my journal from when I was a Sophmore in High School. he most interesting thing? I was terrible at writing. At least I was trying though. It was nice to know that I was as mixed up then as I am now, comforting in a way. What annoyed me is how damn athletic he was. Casually refering to an "easy 6 mile run." Asshole.
This is one of those weird days. Where pieces of the past, good and bad, interesting and boring, seemed to have floated over for a while. It's fun and frustrating all at once sometimes, rehashing situations you totally forgot about, realizing that you've in fact come a long way, tracing the arc from there to where you are now. All the shit that went right and could have gone wrong the whole way. It's all there, like this retrospective meeting you have with yourself. Not exactly a re-evaluation, not a "me-planning session," just a slight tilt of the rear view mirror and a smirk as you're heading down the road. That mirror is full of blurry lights, loud flushed out colors, subdued winds, ancient stone on moutains, smiles and tears, all winding back in a kaledoscope down the pavement of time and I'm gripping a stearing wheel figuring out the future.
I still feel Haphazard though, if that makes any sense.